If a 10-year-old boy is growing up in a family, parents are extremely interested in the psychology of education. It is not for nothing that this age is considered between childhood and adulthood. The child’s hormonal levels change dramatically or the prerequisites for changes in the physiology and psychology of the teenager are just being discovered. The task of parents is to help their son overcome this difficult time, emphasizing that change is normal, and grow up.

Adolescence is one of the most important, influencing the further development of personality, a critical period in a person’s life. Physiological and psychological changes, contradictory tendencies cause sudden changes in mood, impulsiveness in the child’s behavior, and sometimes inadequacy, an unexpected change of interests.

Adolescence is called the time of the second birth of personality. And this birth is not without pain. Adolescents suffer from misunderstanding on the part of adults, from confusion of feelings, contradictory intentions, interests, and aspirations. Adults suffer: children have become rude, withdrawn, and not frank. The world of a teenager is complex, contradictory, and full of constant change. But he is open to understanding. To be understood is the very first thing teenagers want.

A teenager cannot cope with the consequences of changes occurring in the nervous system, and looks for the cause in his environment - parents and friends. Parents irritate the child with their demands and requests; friends - incomprehensibility, inconsistency. Mental imbalance leads to a lack of stability in relationships with friends and adults. Friendship with “bad” company is also possible. In this case, you should not criticize your son’s friends or forbid him to communicate with them, because the child will do the opposite simply because a feeling of contradiction prevails. The task of parents is to tactfully and calmly explain to the child the advantages or disadvantages of friends, and their own, and lead him to certain conclusions. If a teenager independently formulates what a friend should be, it will be his own opinion.

From the age of 10, a transformation of the thinking process occurs. Abstract concepts such as friendship, love, betrayal and others are filled with real content for the child. He begins to notice that the people around him can say one thing and do something completely different. Understanding the contradictions in thoughts, words and actions, a growing person begins to be more critical of the demands of adults, often entering into conflicting relationships with them. This is more typical for boys, who by nature are more active and aggressive.

Personal and emotional development of boys

For this period, both positive (showing independence, embracing new areas of activity) and negative (including conflict, disharmony of character) aspects are indicative.

Developmental tasks that arise before a child at ten years of age and continue until the end of adolescence:

• formation of gender role identity;
• development of interpersonal skills, effective communication;
• changing family relationships based on emotional independence while maintaining material and moral support;
• development of abstract thinking;
• formation of adequate self-esteem and development of self-awareness;
• formation of value orientations and worldview.

The struggle to be like everyone else and at the same time stand out leads to emotional instability. The opinion of other children becomes more important to the son than the opinion of his parents. Boys assert themselves through friendship with older children, slang, rudeness or clowning, strength or helpfulness to a stronger person. This period goes differently for everyone. From the variety of requirements and norms of society, patterns of behavior, a teenager chooses those that will subsequently become the basis of his personality - a system of personal meanings.

The difficulties of raising a son

At this age, psychological monitoring reveals low self-esteem in children, rejection of themselves, their bodies and abilities, shyness, and lack of self-confidence. In relation to parents, a child can behave rudely and defiantly, this is how he tries to demonstrate his maturity and express accumulated experiences. He constantly tests his courage and willpower. Such changes in the son's personality inevitably require a restructuring - from the authority of obedience to equal partnership.

Parents have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that the child is growing up and moving away from the family. Control is necessary, but much softer and more persistent. The son must understand that there are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed in one’s actions. At the same time, he should have a certain freedom in choosing additional activities, friends, how to spend his leisure time, etc.

Communication with both parents is important. The mother will continue to provide the much-needed emotional warmth and care, and will develop courage and determination. At this age, the child strives to contact any man who happens to be nearby, by all means available to him. If the father or stepfather is not nearby, the mother needs to take care of the positive male influence on her son. This could be a grandfather, a caring neighbor, a sports coach, etc. Otherwise, the boy has a high chance of growing up soft and indecisive.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenage sons:

• Do not abuse punishments and prohibitions, find the reason for this behavior, remember that your son needs an individual approach.
• Show interest in your child’s hobbies, support him in any endeavors, try to be your son’s friend.
• In situations of conflict, do not start with criticism of the child, but try to understand the motive of his action and find a way out together.
• Identify the child’s strengths and qualities and develop them by giving feasible tasks. It is of great importance for a boy to experience happiness and joy from success.
• Help your son to be good, smart, kind, brave. Notice his masculine actions and believe in him; a teenager needs to feel significant, special, and needed. This will help build his self-esteem.
• Help your teenager develop his life goals, teach him to confidently defend his point of view in various situations.
• Treat your child the way you want him to treat you and other people.

If parents respect their son’s personality, he will grow up to be a harmoniously developed person with self-esteem, successful, courageous and decisive - just like a real man should be.

This wonderful and difficult age is 10-11 years old.

The fourth year of primary school completes the first stage of a child’s school life. Fourth graders are graduates of elementary school. This is a very difficult age. Psychologists identify the age of 7-10 years as junior school, and 11-15 years as adolescence. Thus, the age of 10-11 years is, as it were, in limbo, that is, the child is not yet a teenager, but no longer a junior schoolchild. Everything is mixed up here, and therefore girls, and then boys, become partially uncontrollable, which is typical for teenagers, but on the other hand, 10-11 year old children are extremely flexible, ready for change and open to cooperation.

The key event in the psychophysical development of 10-11 years of age is puberty. From this point of view, our fourth graders are undoubtedly teenagers. This greatly influences their behavior - rebellion and conflict appear. Scientists call this first stage of adolescence locally capricious. Negative manifestations in home behavior, for example, rudeness towards mother, are sharply increasing, and at the same time, good manners and goodwill outside the family. At school, this means unevenness in diligence, a low level of attentiveness, greater distractibility, and forgetfulness. Children of this age are characterized by extreme emotional instability due to physiology - the rates of growth and development of various functional systems of the body are mismatched. There is a replacement of educational activity as the leading one (which was typical for younger schoolchildren) with the leading activity - communication.

Unfortunately, we adults often miss this age and do not become a friend to our child. Subsequently, many parents pay for this with the most acute social problems of mature adolescence: a high percentage of pregnancies among 14-15 year old girls, the rise of teenage crime, drug addiction, and teenage suicide. Scientists trace the germs of these negative manifestations and find them precisely at the age of 10. That is why now you and I need to be especially attentive to our children.

Dependence on the company of peers increases sharply. This is especially true for those children whose parents are too authoritarian, or, conversely, too lenient towards negative manifestations in their child’s behavior.

This period proceeds more easily in families where warm relationships reign, where the child feels the love of all loved ones combined with benevolent demands. In such families there are traditions, everyone knows their simple duties and will always come to the rescue.

Children easily succumb to the influence of others, especially older teenagers, in order to seem like adults themselves. Therefore, parents should strive to become a friend to their child, so that your place is not taken by a teenager from the gateway. Talk to your child as often as possible. Teach him that in case of any trouble, no matter what happens to him, he must run home. Here and only here they will help you, save you, understand you and regret you. Write notes to each other with funny words, and not just “wash the dishes, sweep, take out the trash, etc.” Actively listen to the child, ask again, that is, express your interest in his problems with all your might. Remember individual names, events and details that the child tells you about. Use them later to initiate in-depth conversations about school. If he sits at the computer all day, ask him to teach you how to play too. Try to chat with him in his language, and then you will quietly move on from games to what is really important and necessary.

Try to resolve all conflicts peacefully. No need to quarrel. Most often, parents are annoyed that the child cannot restrain himself. But he really can’t! He doesn’t have a physiological basis for this, especially boys. Boys develop an active will, which is based on processes of excitation and drives them to search for new sensations, impressions, and gain experience. Girls are more restrained, since their inhibition processes are better developed. Therefore, we will take into account the physiology of our child, and first we will count to ten, and then we will begin the “debriefing”. Of course, punishment is an integral part of education. But this is not revenge for the fact that the child dared to disobey me. Punishment is a command, and that means it is necessary to explain, and maybe even show, how one should have acted. It is necessary to demonstrate that punishment is a parental duty: “It’s hard for me to punish you, but I have to.” Punishment is the deprivation of pleasure. But the hardest thing is deprivation of communication. Ignore a child very carefully; this can seriously injure some children. But in any case, remain a friend to the child. Tell him about your experiences at this age. Try to speak frankly about the most sensitive topics. Be open to communication with your child. Even if you don’t know or don’t understand something, don’t hesitate to tell him about it.

The following expressions should not be used:

I told you a thousand times...

How many times do you need to repeat!

What are you thinking about!

You are the same as yours...
- Leave me alone, I have no time!

Why is Lena like this, and you...

It is advisable to say:

You are my smartest (beautiful).

It's so good that I have you!

You're great!

I love you very much.

How well you did it! Teach me.

Thank you. I'm very grateful to you.

If it weren't for you, I would never have gotten through this.

Idleness is the enemy of childhood. It’s bad if a child is left to his own devices all day long. Try to have your children attend music school or sports clubs, or some other additional clubs. Firstly, this is the development of intelligence, and secondly, this is the development of the volitional sphere - organization, will, adherence to the daily routine. A child can be immersed in activities that will allow him to show his courage, achieve success, and gain self-confidence. Even in the old days they used to say that “the time of business gives you the mind, but the time of idleness gets into your head.” Anyone who passively spends their holidays, openly idle, subsequently pays with a decrease in their intelligence indicators.

The difficulty of 10-11 years of age is aggravated by the fact that children will begin a new stage of life - the transition to middle management. Several teachers instead of one, and each has its own character, its own requirements, its own approach to business. The pace of work increases, the requirements for the design of work change, new children appear, a different classroom - everything is new. The help and attention of parents at this time is especially important. Meet new teachers. You should know your child’s teachers not only by sight, but also by name and patronymic, just as they know you. At the same time, try to make them smile when they see you, and not turn white with anger. Ask teachers for advice when a problem arises. For teenagers, the teacher is no longer an unquestioned authority. Critical remarks may be made towards the teacher (“harmful historian”). It is important to discuss the reasons for dissatisfaction while maintaining the teacher's authority. Pay attention to any changes in your child's behavior.

Most schoolchildren begin to differentiate their educational interests and develop different attitudes towards academic subjects - they like some disciplines more, others less. The preference for certain academic subjects is largely due to the individual characteristics of the child. What if the child does not show any special preferences? Psychological research shows that there are no children who are incapable of anything. Even if a student does not stand out for his academic successes and, at first glance, is equally indifferent to all subjects, he will certainly show a tendency to better assimilate educational material of one or another content. It is precisely these inclinations, which indicate stronger aspects of the child’s development, that need to be supported. Look for any opportunities for your child to apply what they learn at school to activities at home. For example, calculate the required number of ingredients for preparing a dish, the footage of wallpaper, translate a recipe from English with a dictionary, etc. If he loves movies, give him the book that the movie was based on. Take a look and you'll start reading.

Despite the apparent maturity, children need unobtrusive control from their parents, since they are not always able to navigate the new demands of school life. Be a friend to the child - and everything will work out for you.

Here I have a daughter. In second grade. Not assiduous. Last year I wanted to play the piano. They explained that it was difficult and that you would have to study a lot. She said, of course, that she would. Well, okay, I passed the entrance exams to a music school. Has been going since September. Solfeggio works out well, the specialty doesn't work well - because he's too lazy to study. He doesn’t play every day, and if he plays, it’s not much. He says I don’t want to, it doesn’t work. Everything is stupid: the notes, the instrument, the teacher. If I don’t start insisting, he won’t sit down at the instrument at all. Now I understand that this is not the case. If this is the attitude, then we need to give up the music and that’s it. But, damn it, I feel so bad for the instrument I bought, for the time I spent all year taking her there three times a week. And in general, how can it be that it doesn’t work out, just throw your paws up and that’s it, don’t even try to achieve a result. I understand that you need to come to terms with everything, but it’s very difficult for me. And the most offensive thing is that this applies not only to music, but to everything - he doesn’t want to make any effort at all.

Given: me, husband, 7-year-old son and 2-year-old youngest daughter.
My son periodically suffers from jealousy, I try to fight it.
But: when my son was sent to kindergarten (2 years old), I, being a stupid hen of 25 years old, inspired him that he should not fight.
There was a reason - he started fighting with his friend, our neighbor. Mom, being a good friend of mine, threatened me with complaints from the manager, etc.

I was scared. There was no serious fight, but it was the complaints that scared me.

Today's story: we are visiting friends, they also have an eldest boy of 9 years old, and suddenly we hear our son crying sobbingly, and a demand for the eldest to apologize!
By the way, my son goes to fight, I realized my mistake, I convince him to fight back.
But along the way, the son grew up to be a tear washer.
My husband has already pecked. How to fix the situation...

Good day everyone) My son is 11 years old (5th grade). Starting somewhere in the 4th grade, the kids began to form cliques, who was friends with whom. My son says that he is friends with everyone, that everyone is his friend. But there was only one best friend, they visited each other, walked, sat together in class. But recently I began to notice that mine began to go straight home after school, but before I was always eager to go for a walk and was late for training because of hanging out with a friend. Today I asked why this was so - it turned out that my friend was now walking with a girl, and they asked me not to interfere, they say they have personal communication. I see that my son is offended and annoyed. I don't know what to advise him. The problem is that I myself don’t know how to make friends. I had a best friend at school, but she left me ugly, I was very worried. I don’t want to blame my crappy experience in this area on my son. I want him to have good friends. Please advise, especially those who have not had problems with communication and friendship. I don’t want to give my child advice from my loser perspective (not only my school friends, almost all my friends cheated me at different periods of my life).

Honestly. Sometimes I feel like I'm a chronic loser. You try, you flounder, but it turns out as always. The middle son is going to school this year. I was the first to write the application, and the first to pass the copybook. I attended a meeting, went to a first-grader school, chose a teacher, and visited the secretariat a hundred times. And today the call comes - you didn’t bring the documents, the classes are formed and your child doesn’t get in. HOW? How can this be? And most importantly, I can’t yell that I brought the documents. Having three children, I constantly carry photocopies somewhere. I just don’t remember if I took the necessary photocopies to school. But I know for sure that if they had told me about them, I would have stopped them right away. I'll go find out tomorrow. What if we don’t get there? What if you can’t do anything anymore? Senior in second grade at this school. This is for me to run around in different ways, and even before the pile of the third one goes into the garden. I'll howl now. Well, why am I so lucky?

Your son is gradually growing up: externally and internally. You can barely keep up with what's happening to him. A lot is changing: from clothes and habits to worldview and attitude towards girls.

The difficult teenage stage is inherent in nature; it cannot be avoided. For some it happens earlier, for others later, but on average boys begin to transform from a child into a man at the age of 11-12 years.

Believe me, it's not easy for your son right now. Physical illness is superimposed by unstable mental processes and new views on the world around us. If you understand what is happening in your son’s body and can explain it to him, then this stage will be a little easier.

Let's start with physiological changes.

What happens in the body of adolescents at 11-12 years old?

The cardiovascular system. A teenager’s heart enlarges significantly, this is due to the growth of the heart muscle ─ myocardium. The heart volume of a 10-year-old boy is 130 cubic cm, and that of a 13-year-old boy is already 443 cubic cm. At the same time, blood vessels grow more slowly and the heart needs to make more efforts so that the body does not suffer from a lack of oxygen. The load on the heart increases and pain may appear in it.

Respiratory system. Lung volume also increases. But it is not yet possible to use all the oxygen received, so the brain lacks proper nutrition, which leads to headaches. The larynx begins to grow and the voice changes.

Musculoskeletal system. The tubular bones of the arms and legs and vertebrae grow rapidly. At the same time, the spine remains very mobile, and there is a high probability of its curvature. Large muscles grow faster than small ones, so it is difficult for a boy to work with small objects and he gets tired quickly. Teenagers aged 11-12 years old look disproportionate: long arms and legs, large feet.

Leather. The changes that occur in the boy’s body lead to the fact that the sebaceous glands begin to work more actively and irritations, rashes and pustules appear on the skin.

Nervous system. The brain begins to actively develop, especially the anterior sections of both hemispheres. The teenager begins to respond sharply to all comments directed at him. Excitement prevails over inhibition, so teenagers are unbalanced and their mood often changes.

The work of the autonomic nervous system, which connects the spinal cord and brain with the internal organs, is also not fully balanced. The blood vessels are poorly filled with blood, the pulse and breathing become faster, the brain lacks oxygen, dizziness and weakness appear. Vegetative-vascular dystonia is a common companion for adolescents.

Endocrine system. In boys aged 11-12 years, the thyroid gland begins to actively grow, which is responsible for the energy balance in the body. The gonads also develop, and the amount of testosterone in the blood of boys increases.

About the effect of testosterone on the body of a man in general and a teenager in particular, watch the video excerpt from the webinar “10 important secrets that mothers should know about boys.”

Behavior of boys in adolescence

Internal changes greatly affect the behavior of boys.

• become very emotional, even those who were previously calm. All this is accompanied by mood swings: one minute, intense joy can be replaced by intense sadness;
• seek “thrills” and take great risks;
• they begin to pay attention to girls and want to please them;
• begin to consciously approach the choice of clothing and care for their skin;
• react painfully to comments and violently express disagreement;
• they don’t finish what they started, and sometimes they don’t even start what they were talking about;
• get tired quickly;
• become irritable;
• They can do something energetically, and after a couple of minutes they fall onto the bed, exhausted.

Relationships with girls at this age are difficult to build, one of the reasons is that at the age of 11-12 years, girls are larger and stronger than boys. This affects the self-esteem of the children.

Our free book “” will help you understand and cope with your son’s emotions.

In general, if you look from the outside at what a teenager wants to be and what he really is, then these are almost two parallel worlds. Inside, the boy is strong, handsome, girls like him and everything works out for him. And on the outside he is still clumsy, disproportionate and with a changing voice.

Which boys show more pronounced changes in behavior at the age of 11-12 years?

The visibility of changes in the boy’s behavior and health for him and those around him will also depend on the kind of life he led in childhood and leads in adolescence.

Guys who move a lot, play sports and generally lead an active lifestyle are more able to cope with the difficulties of adolescence. Physically, they develop more harmoniously and they have somewhere to throw out excess energy, and sometimes aggression.

Such active boys make parents and other adults “nervous” even before puberty, so their behavior change at the age of 11-12 is not so noticeable.

It is much more difficult for boys who constantly sit at home, move little and, possibly, suffer from excess weight. In them, changes in health and behavior are more pronounced.

Adults who are accustomed to a calm child also find it difficult to adjust.

For parents who want to understand their children, and especially for mothers who want their sons to maximize their potential for courage, we have created a special training.

Remember: “Forewarned is forearmed”? The useful knowledge and practice that you receive during the training will be a support, a foundation for helping your son pass this difficult age with dignity, calm and confidence.

This course only about boys, features of their physiology and worldview. During the training you will learn:

• how to understand and predict your teenager’s behavior in certain cases;
• about when to let go of the situation, and when, on the contrary, to take control;
• How can a mother-father-son team not turn into a “swan, crayfish and pike”;
• how your fears can poison your son's life.

The training will begin on March 29 and will last 1.5 months. Details about the training program and conditions of participation.

Adolescence is also called transitional age - transition to adulthood and responsibility. This stage is difficult for both the boy and the parents. To help your son, you need to listen to him, understand him, and accept the changes that are happening to him. You can't make fun of his appearance and relationships with girls.

Question for mothers of girls: is there a need for an article about physiological and behavioral changes in girls during adolescence?