Greedy child

At the age of two years, the baby begins the first stage of psychological development. Difficulties begin quite suddenly. Just yesterday, the baby absolutely didn’t care who took his toys, and he happily shared everything that was in his hands at that moment, when suddenly, to such a request, he answers “Mine” and hides the toy behind his back.

Once a child turns 3 years old, he will begin to understand that he should share with others. This process occurs due to the fact that he begins to get involved in the process of playing with other children and the toy becomes a connecting link that will contribute to an interesting pastime.

Causes of children's greed

Greedy children after 5 years of age require special attention from adults. But you should not assume that if a child is greedy, then this not the best quality will become one of his character traits. Adults easily confuse this childhood condition with other causes.

Selective expression of greed

At one point, a kind and generous kid suddenly refuses to give candy to a stranger. This person who caused such emotions could also be one of the relatives. Probably, the child simply doesn’t like this person or has offended him in some way the day before, and now there’s a chance to show his character. In such a situation, you should show the correct reaction.

It happens that the consequence of such behavior is a bad mood or fatigue. At such moments, it is better not to aggravate the condition, but to wait until the baby calms down.

Lack of attention

In a situation where parents work a lot or simply pay little attention, but try to compensate for the lack of communication with toys, the baby eventually replaces the missing emotions with something else. Toys become a consolation, an object of love. Naturally, he will be nervous when someone wants to play with them. Such behavior does not require punishment, but special treatment. First of all, the parents themselves should reconsider their behavior and establish a connection with the child.

Desire for leadership

In such a situation, it would be optimal to help the child direct his leadership inclinations in the right direction. You should give him tasks for which he must be praised, thereby satisfying his need for recognition.

Jealousy

With the arrival of another baby in the family, attacks of greed are usually not observed at first. The process begins to progress from the moment when the brother or sister grows up. In such a case, one should understand the reason for the behavior and take measures regarding jealousy. This will help level out stinginess.

Desire to bargain

Attachment to things

When a child shows interest in hoarding (collecting stamps, calendars), he becomes overly accustomed to things, and a character trait such as pedantry is formed. Not all children of this type will turn out to be tight-fisted in the future. With proper upbringing, greed is transformed into frugality.

Shyness

The lack of established contact in communication with other children from the outside also looks like greed. The baby watches others, hugging his favorite thing, and feels calmer. Here it should be understood that the toy in this situation is the only friendly object for the child. Therefore, when asked to let me play, he will refuse.

Weaning methods

It is important to understand the baby’s position by putting yourself in his place and imagining your reaction in a situation where strangers take your things without permission or ask to use them.

If an argument begins to brew, you should distract the child and redirect his attention.

In the case when a child does not want to share his toys with other children or has taken someone else’s and does not want to give them back, you should remember the basic rules of behavior.

Conclusion

The period of greed in children is one of the episodes of growing up that must be experienced. Parents can help with this; the main thing is to remember that the child has every right to protect his things. It is important to listen to him and stick to the golden mean.

All children are different and this is quite normal. Some people are noisy and active, while others tend to want to be alone with themselves and enjoy reading their favorite fairy tale. There are children who are kind and affectionate, like kittens, and there are also those who try every day to prove their independence no matter what. If one baby cannot fall asleep without mother's affection, then the other will fiercely resist parental hugs.

Every person is unique in their character and sense of self. Any parent dreams of raising their child to be kind, sympathetic and sensitive, and is at a loss when faced with the negative behavior of their child.

Some children have such a quality as greed. We are talking about a child’s refusal to share things that are important to him for various reasons. Parents, watching their sweet baby turn into such a curmudgeon, are lost and do not know how to behave. But don't panic in advance. The child's psyche is particularly flexible, despite its vulnerability, and can usually be corrected without problems. The main thing is not to waste time and take decisive action.

Parents must understand that the baby’s toys and other things are his personal space, the boundaries of which he tries to defend by refusing to share them. Firstly, children under 4 years of age are egocentric, they have a clear understanding of “mine”, secondly, the child’s psyche does not understand that his thing or toy is taken by someone else “for a while”, he is sure that he is losing his favorite item forever .

Therefore, adults, before convincing a child that “we need to share,” must try to understand the children’s logic. In his little world, when he gives away a toy, he is sure that the thing will no longer belong to him. It’s like if Vasya comes from a neighboring house, gets into your car and leaves with the words “I’ll take you for a ride and give it to you.” Reassure yourself with the same “you have to share”... So allowing your child to assert his boundaries by refusing to borrow his things is not so bad. Another moment is when children's greed begins to take pathological forms, then, of course, measures must be taken.

Causes of children's greed

An individual approach plays a special role in raising a child. In cases where parents are looking for ways to combat greed in a child, it is worth trying to establish contact with the child and find the reasons for his behavior.

More often, children’s reluctance to share with peers arises due to the following factors:

The above reasons can be eliminated without much difficulty, but in most cases, the blame for the appearance of greed in a child still lies with the parents. By their actions, they provoke him into a similar pattern of behavior, and then listen with bewilderment to complaints against their child and frantically search for ways to solve this problem.

In rare cases, it is possible to determine only one factor influencing the manifestation of greed in a child. Basically, a combination of a number of reasons pushes him to such behavior.

Classification of greed

Children's greed is very different in its manifestation and is expressed individually in each child. Experts identify the following types of children’s reluctance to share personal belongings with others:

• Owner. There is a certain category of children who, by their nature, cannot understand the concept of “general.” For them there is only “theirs” and “theirs”. It is very difficult to fight such a vision of reality, but success becomes more realistic if you seek help from a psychologist.
• Bully. This type of greed is expressed in a rigid refusal to share one's things, but at the same time there is a clear desire to take possession of other people's toys. If the child does not get what he wants, then he may well start a fight.
• Sufferer. These are children who strongly doubt parental love or live in unfavorable conditions. It seems to them that mom and dad think only about themselves, in particular, if they are refused to buy something they like. As a result, such children have every chance of growing up to be stingy.
• Aggressor. Overprotection and indulgence in whims can also turn out to be very generous with various “surprises”. Parents who coddle their children too much ultimately risk raising them to become complete egoists. And selfishness always goes hand in hand with greed.
• Loner. There are children who are excessively thrifty. They value their “property” very much and try to protect it from possible “pests”.

What to do if the child is greedy?

Most parents try to convey to their child the idea that greed is bad by reading lectures and sometimes even screaming. But such a strategy will not only not solve the problem, it will only make it worse. When correcting children's behavior, you should be very patient and wise and not take rash actions.

If you want to wean your child from greed, then the following advice from a psychologist will help you:

• Don't miss the time. Don’t think that you have a whole lot of time ahead and you can get rid of your child’s greed at any moment. Don’t dismiss the problem, because according to psychologists, after 9 years, correction noticeably reduces its effectiveness and you will have to spend a lot more time and effort.
• Family Council. Don't rely only on yourself. Seek support and advice from your family and friends. Discuss possible causes of the problem and ask them to share their opinions. It is quite possible that you simply lost sight of something important and timely advice from older relatives can be a tangible help in the fight against your child’s greed.
• Conversations with a child. Modern manufacturers offer a wide selection of toys and gadgets designed for children of different ages. In the company of peers, children often show off their toys to each other; their status within the group often depends on the “coolness” of things. If parents cannot afford to buy their child the most branded items and toys, then he begins to be capricious and throw tantrums. It is worth conducting preventive conversations aimed at explaining to the child that each family has its own financial capabilities. And then smoothly shift the conversation to the fact that envy and greed are bad feelings that need to be gotten rid of.
• Teach by example. Remember that for your child you are a model and an ideal. As they say, “a mother is a god in the eyes of a child.” Therefore, show by your actions that you need to be generous and be able to empathize with those who are in trouble. Collect unnecessary children's things and toys and take them to the orphanage together with your child, or buy something tasty and divide it among everyone, saying that there is no need to be greedy.
• Avoid comparisons with other children. One of the biggest mistakes on the part of parents is their impulse to compare their little greedy child with someone else's child, who always shares with friends. If you allow yourself to do this, then be prepared for mortal offense from your baby. He will take your words with hostility, and will see other children exclusively as enemies.
• Reward for success. Remember that your child should be praised for good behavior. Unfortunately, many parents forget about this, but their punishments are always prompt. If you don't tell your child that you are proud of his good behavior, he will decide that you don't care and will stop trying in the future.

By the time a child begins to become familiar with the concept of private property (2-4 years), he mentally divides the world into “mine” and “someone else’s.” In about 2-3 years, the child will outgrow this feeling; the main task of parents at this time is not to harm.

If you treat children's greed incorrectly, you can raise a miser or, conversely, a person who values ​​nothing and gives everything away left and right. In order to cope with children's greed, you need to understand that this happens very often when the parents themselves do not like to share and teach the child not to give his toys to anyone. At the age of three, the main authority for a child is his parents. Children whose parents do not respect their private territory become greedy. You can seriously damage your child's self-esteem if you give his toy to a neighbor's boy without his knowledge. If the mother does not consider the child’s opinion important, then he has to defend it himself. The child thus begins to swear over every little thing, trying to prove his right to property.

If a child has a lot of toys and you want to give some of them to those more in need, then it is better to invite the child to independently select the toys that he wants to give. Explain to your child that some children have no toys at all, and they will be very happy if they get at least a small part. Or you can solemnly collect and take the toys to an orphanage or shelter, and after that have a small celebration. Then the child will feel the full significance of giving and will perceive this process as something joyful.

If a conflict situation arises on the playground, you should not take a toy away from your child and give it to a rival. For a child, you act as a defender; if in a dispute you take the side of the enemy, he will be deeply upset. Explain to the child that he can give the toy to someone else to play with, and that this toy will definitely be returned to him. If the child still does not agree, do not insist. If a conflict between children escalates into a fight, you must immediately divert the attention of both: offer to do something else, for example, ride on a swing. Always be on your child's side, even if you have to deal with negativity from other mothers.

Be sure to explain to your child how to behave and how not to behave better. It is almost impossible to teach a child to share his favorite toys, because even you have some things that you do not want to give to anyone. There is no need to scold a child for greed; it is better to cultivate generosity in him. Offer to buy sweets specially to treat your friends, read good books about how animals share with everyone and get twice as much. It is important to let your child know that they need to respect other people’s things.

If you give him a correct awareness of his own and other people’s property, this will help the child develop an adequate perception of money and things. A little greed is inherent in any person, so it is important to correctly balance these two concepts in a child.

Why don’t children want to give away their toys and treat their peers and adults with candy? Are there ways to get rid of this?

"It is mine! “You can’t, don’t touch it,” a three-year-old kid shouts to his playmate when he reaches out to look at the car with the flashing light. Why can’t children be generous? Will a greedy child really grow up and turn into a stingy adult? It turns out that not everything is so sad, kids are capable of sharing, but at this tender age they cannot be consistent.

The secret of childhood contradiction

A child of 3–4 years old can play with children for a long time, wait for his turn to swing on a swing or slide down a slide; he is less concentrated on himself. However, the baby still has poor emotional control and does not have a very good sense of time, so waiting while a friend plays with the coveted toy is a real test for him. On the other hand, almost all three-year-olds love to give drawings to their teachers, prepare gifts for grandparents, and treat mom and dad to food.

The contradiction is explained by the fact that at this stage children are just beginning to learn that “giving” feels good and that sharing with friends is fun. Relatives can sow the seeds of generosity by supporting the child's appropriate steps and disapproving (in a calm manner) of their little one's less generous impulses.

How to get rid of childhood greed

What can parents do to motivate their son or daughter to start sharing? There are a few simple steps you can take on your path to child generosity.

The process should be fun

Parents should teach their children cooperative games that involve working as a team to achieve a goal, such as putting together a puzzle together and adding pieces one at a time. Group projects work the same way: planting flowers, building a city with Legos, making crafts.

You cannot punish for stinginess

If parents tell a child that he is greedy, punish him when he does not want to be generous, force him to transfer treasured property to another, they cultivate feelings of resentment and anger, rather than the ability to share.

To raise a generous and sympathetic person, you need to use more positive motivation rather than exhortations and directions. Parents should remember that it is normal for a three-year-old to withhold and not give away specific things. As kids grow up, they learn to share with friends, because their circle of friends becomes a very important link in their lives. Children realize that “playing together” is more interesting than keeping things to themselves.

Discussion of the problem

When kids fight over toys, the parents' role is to help them figure out what the conflict is about. If another boy does not want to give the toy, the little person needs to explain how this boy feels: “Misha really likes this car, he was just given it, he hasn’t played enough of it yet. He doesn't want other kids playing with her right now."

We need to help a greedy child and turn his feelings into words in those cases when he himself does not want to share - maybe it turns out that there are special reasons: perhaps this is not childish greed, but he just really values ​​his grandfather’s or father’s gift.

Need to learn how to solve a problem

How to show an example

The best way to get rid of childhood greed is to be generous yourself. Parents should constantly share food, things to play with their child, often use the word “share” when describing their actions and do not forget to tell them that this can be done not only with things, but also with impressions, love, and news.

Most children have difficulty parting with their toys and do not want to share anything. Probably every mother had to blush on the playground or at a party when their child shouted to other kids: “This is mine!” I'm not giving it!".

Greed in childhood is a natural defense mechanism. The child thus tries to defend his “property”, to win the right to own toys, books or something else. The baby observes that mom and dad have personal things that only they use. This means that the child must also have property. Read this article about how to find out the reasons for greed and teach your child to share his values.

Greed is a natural defense of one’s own “values”, a struggle for the right to possess something.

Is greed an age norm or a deviation?

First you need to understand whether the child is consciously greedy or whether this is a natural stage of his development. The answer depends on age:

1-2 years. The concept of “greed” does not yet exist. At the age of 1-2 years, the baby is just learning to say “no”. You cannot put pressure on the child during this period. If he does not learn to say “no” from an early age, this will significantly complicate his life in the future. Experience shows that mothers who were afraid to raise greedy children grow up to be trouble-free children. When they become adults, they are easily manipulated by others.

2 years. By this age, the child already perceives his things as an extension of his own personality and consciously says “mine.” It is important that the child is sure that the things that belong to him are inviolable, no one can take them without his consent. At the age of two, a child’s self-image is formed. He begins to define the boundaries between “us” and “stranger”.

3 years. The child should already be able to refuse. If by the age of 3 the baby does not learn to say “no,” this will lead to the fact that he will indulge the whims of others to his own detriment. Because of this, he himself will suffer. The task of parents is to teach the child that it is one thing to protect their things from the attacks of other people, and another thing is outright greed, when you don’t want to share simply out of harm.

4 years. This age is the beginning of a new stage in the socialization of a little person. Communication becomes paramount, and various things and toys acquire the role of tools that help establish communication with other children. A four-year-old child already realizes that he can win someone over if he shares an interesting toy with him.

But there is another side to the coin. Parents instill in the child that unconditional love is impossible - only if he fulfills the demands of others will they begin to have a positive attitude toward him (“if you don’t give it, no one will play with you!”). This is a very dangerous stereotype - in this way the child is convinced of “commodity” relationships in the sphere of feelings and affections, and is also devalued as a person. After all, they will play only if you have some toys and you give them, and not with you as a person. Therefore, this issue must be approached very carefully!

5-7 years. If a preschooler is greedy, the reason is internal disharmony. It often happens that a child does not want to share with younger brothers and sisters and furiously snatches toys from their hands. Perhaps he believes that the baby took the attention of his mother and father from him, and now has his eyes on his things.

Children's value system

Children are often told: “You can’t be greedy,” “Share,” “Give it to someone else to play,” and kids resist the orders of adults. Reluctance to share and assertion of property are not necessarily associated with the concept of greed. Your baby is simply protecting what he has and what is dear to him. After all, if he doesn’t learn to do this, what awaits him in the future? He will grow up weak-willed, will not be able to defend his rights, protect a loved one, and will become too compliant. Due to his age, he does not yet realize the difference in the value of things and does not understand which ones can be easily given away and which ones are important to defend. This understanding comes with time, and if this does not happen, then a compliant personality is formed, unable to object and defend honor and one’s own opinion.

A child who willlessly partes with property may in the future become too soft and driven and will not be able to protect himself, loved ones, or his own rights.

We adults have a different system of values, both moral and material. It’s strange to us why the baby won’t let one of his dozen sand cups play with him, or won’t want to throw away an ordinary pebble when he comes home. Why should a child part with his things at the request of others? Look at the situation from the other side, if an ordinary person on the street asks you to give him your personal item, bag or car keys, will you immediately give them back? Likewise, your baby does not want to give away what he considers his own, personal, and he has every right to do so. For a child, his car is as dear as a real car to you, and collected twigs or a beautiful shell are a priceless treasure.

Think about it, you yourself are teaching your child to respect other people’s property (we tell the child: “Dad doesn’t allow you to touch this! Don’t take it, it’s mommy’s!”), not allowing you to touch your things or go into closets and bedside tables with personal items. Do not make an exception for your child; his sense of ownership and space also needs to be respected. Children tend to perceive their favorite objects and toys as part of themselves.

Own things become especially expensive if the child is experiencing stress, for example, he recently went to kindergarten. A shabby bear, which the baby does not even allow to wash, becomes an ally and “moral support” for him. During such periods, do not force your child to give away toys that are important to him, even for a while.

What if she really is greedy?

The sense of ownership can also take an unhealthy form and reach extremes. A child is not born greedy a priori; he is gradually taught to be greedy in the family. Think about it, did you tell your child that if he behaves badly, you will give all the toys to the children on the street, or did you warn the little one: “Don’t take the new locomotive to the playground, they will break it for you,” “finish it quickly, otherwise the dog will eat it." Are you familiar with such exclamations: “If you throw toys around, I’ll give them to someone else’s boy,” “If you break your car, I’ll give all your toys to kindergarten”? We often don’t think about the fact that children take all our words seriously and apply them to all life situations. And then we wonder where the negative traits came from in the child.

Parents may unconsciously impose on their child an exaggerated sense of ownership and label him: “You are greedy! Ugh, how ugly this is! You are greedy! With this approach, the child gives up very quickly, stops defending himself, and in the future will try to match the negative characteristics of his parents - this applies to any labels: “stupid, slow, dirty, whiner, fool” and so on. Calling a child such words is the surest way to cultivate these qualities.

Remember that you yourself are an example for the behavior of children - the child reflects the behavior of the parents. Parents do not always see the shortcomings in themselves that continue in their children.

Observe your child to see if he is a provocateur of quarrels due to his reluctance to share toys, distinguish in which situation your child is right, and in which he himself becomes the instigator of discord and deliberately sets up a friend, brother or sister negatively.

Reasons why children become greedy

In children under 5 years of age, greed as such does not yet exist. Starting from the age of 5, greed needs to be “treated.” First of all, you need to understand where the roots of greed come from. The reasons may be different:

1. The child suffers from a lack of parental care, love, warmth and attention. Little greedy people grow up in families where parents are always busy and show their love with gifts. For kids, such things become especially important, because they suffer greatly from a lack of parental affection. It is quite natural that a child will react painfully to any person’s attempts to take away his valuables.
2. Jealousy. If a child thinks that his parents love his brother or sister more, he will transfer his resentment to him or her. This will cause attacks of greed and aggression. There is no need to insist that the older child shares with the younger one. This will only increase his resentment and anger towards his parents.
3. An excess of parental love and attention. A child from whom the specks of dust are literally blown away, to whom everything is always possible, turns into a little domestic tyrant. Such a kid is sure that he is the center of the universe, and everyone around him must unquestioningly fulfill all his whims. If something doesn't go the way he wants, hysterics arise. Therefore, you need to teach your child that there should be moderation in everything.
4. Shyness and indecisiveness. Children with such character traits are often lonely. Their only friends are toys. They give the child a feeling of safety and security. It is not surprising that the baby does not want to share them.
5. Excessive frugality. Some children are so worried about the safety and integrity of their dear toys that they do not even allow anyone to touch them.
6. Protecting your property. This is a completely normal reaction. After all, you, too, will not remain idle if someone “opens” your car... Even if only for a ride!
7. Mistrust. Do you think the baby doesn’t care who he plays with (as long as he doesn’t get covered in sand)? But no! Even at two years old, a child already has his own likes and dislikes, trusts some and not others.

“My Vasya is almost 2 years old. When we go out onto the playground, he arranges his toys in a line, and he plays with strangers. If someone takes his typewriter, they will immediately take it away, and they may even hit him. It’s even uncomfortable in front of other mothers, because Vasya can offend their babies. I'm afraid that he will grow up to be greedy..."– says Elena.

If a child offends kids who encroach on his toys, and he takes other people’s cars, he may grow up to be a stingy and not very pleasant person. Fortunately, childhood greed can be “cured.” Expert advice will help you with this.

Remember that greed is normal for kids. This is a natural stage of growing up. Parents need to be patient, communicate more with the child, tell him that being greedy is bad, and sharing toys is fun and interesting. Praise your child when he shows generosity. This will strengthen his self-confidence. As the child grows up, he will see and feel the positive impact of his generosity, and the support and approval of mom and dad will further strengthen his understanding that he is acting correctly. If you can’t cope with childhood greed, perhaps the reason lies deeper. Don't be afraid to contact psychologists.

Video consultation. Children's greed: why does a child not want to share toys?

How to raise a child so that he is not greedy and learns to share his toys and things with other children? Psychologist, founder of the First Children's Academy and School of Professional Parents, business coach and mother of four (two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko, tells parents about the reasons and recommendations:

Greedy child - Everything will be fine